Downsizing Your Life with The Sook Family
Gone are the days where we work 9-5, at the same company, for 40 years.
Couples, individuals and families all around the world are reinventing what life can look like for them and reprioritize what matters most. It might be travel, time together, or more space to think. The most fulfilled lives are the ones we are creating.
The Little Book of Big Dreams shows what life is like when we think our dreams are possible. May their stories encourage you to dream!
The Little Book of Big Dreams Series
Dana Sook is a wife and mother who strives to find balance in her personal and professional life. She recently relocated her family to Barcelona from New Jersey, taking a plunge into the unknown and figuring it out, one step and stumble at a time.
From Jessica’s desk: Dana and I were inseparable in college. Never have I laughed more. Her lively spirit is infectious and everyone that meets her just adores her. Dana makes the hardest tasks seem easy with her practicality!
You currently live in Spain but were previously in the United States? How did you decide to live abroad?
I was presented with an amazing job opportunity that brought me to Europe. It’s a funny story how it arose (at least to me) but it’s a long one too -- feel free to take breaks as you see fit as you read through this.
At the time, I had been with my employer, Veeva, for about 5.5 years. I was in a mid-management role that I loved -- I led a great team of about 15 consultants, I was seen as somewhat of a Subject Matter Expert and had the freedom and autonomy that came along with that, and I flew just below the radar of upper management to feel safe and unexposed.
I had heard rumblings that a VP of Services roles in Europe was opening up as the person in the role at the time, an American, was coming back to the US after 6 years. I honestly didn’t think anything of it. It’d be a great story if an executive had instantly thought “Dana would be perfect for this!” and approached me to convince me of how my skills matched the role perfectly and the company would be silly to consider anyone else...but that’s not the story I’m telling.
We had an internal kickoff event in Orlando of 2019 and while sharing a late-night drink with a colleague in the basement bar of the hotel, he asked, “Isn’t the VP role in Europe opening up? Why don’t you take that?” I immediately dismissed it: “Psssh, shut up.” He persisted: “Why not?”. I thought on it for a second. I had a good thing going -- happy in my career, married to my husband of 4.5 years who also had a fulfilling career in the medical field, our daughter was just about to turn 2 and thriving in her daycare, we had a nice big house in the ‘burbs and a second home at the shore -- why mess with that?
I decided to text my husband, Wally. The conversation went like this:
Me: Hey, there’s a VP role opening up in Europe. What do you think of me putting my hat in the ring?
Wally: Yeah, that sounds great!
Me: But I’m not even sure you’d be able to work…
Wally: YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GREAT!
The next text went to my boss:
Me: Hey, what do you think of me applying for the VP of Services role in Europe?
My boss: [crickets]
He never responded. I’d like to think I can take a hint so I waited until we had our next scheduled 1:1 five days later. I mentioned that he never got back to me on that role and he said, “Were you serious?! I thought you were kidding.”
In March, I learned I got the role. By July we had a buyer for our primary home, the shore house was rented, we had sold or donated about 75% of our belongings, including 2 cars, and we arrived in Barcelona, ready for whatever awaited us. Wally had never been to Spain before he stepped off that plane.
2. What made you go from just thinking about doing it to actually going for it? Had you always dreamed of being an expat?
I had never dreamed of being an expat. Wally and I both like to travel but aren’t exactly adventurous or exotic. I’m a “margarita on the beach” kind of tourist and I generally strayed from countries where I didn’t speak the local language for fear of being “the ignorant American.” Note that all I had was high school-level Spanish and the local language of Barcelona is Catalan -- close to Spanish but yet so far.
However, Wally and I have always been good at recognizing opportunities and we’ve never been afraid of change. It didn’t seem like I sought this out -- it found me, and us. And timing is everything -- had it been a year earlier or a year later, it might not have worked for us at all. But at that point in time, we knew we’d be silly to turn it down. There was surprisingly little discussion or debate. Once I found out I got the role, our focus switched right away to making it happen and being in Spain in July.
3. Was your husband, Wally, always on board?
Always. We don’t have a perfect marriage (who does?) and we disagree on many things, but this opportunity was not one of them. We both saw this as a once-in-a-lifetime chance and knew our family would get so much from the experience. It helped that he was on the verge of taking his career in a different direction and didn’t mind taking a pause.
4. You moved to a new country with a toddler. Did you ever think, “Lets just wait until she is older?”
Quite the opposite! This position was presented to me as a 3 - 5 year commitment with the option to stay longer, even forever, if we wanted. If we came back to the states within the 3 - 5 years, that would put our daughter, Juliana, in kindergarten or first grade. She may not remember much from her time in Spain but she’d have the opportunity to develop friendships early on in her schooling. It seemed like a safe risk for us without disrupting her life too much.
5. Did you ever change your mind? Any fear around this?
We haven’t changed our minds ever about coming here. It helps that we have an amazing apartment in the heart of the city (which I took over from my predecessor when he moved back to the US -- something else that fell into my lap), the weather is beautiful, I absolutely love my European team and colleagues, I’ve taken my career to the next level and have embraced this challenge. Juliana is settled in a daycare (pre-COVID) and Wally has immersed himself in Spanish lessons. We’ve traveled to Paris, Lisbon and Budapest (so much for not speaking the language!). We are very blessed.
It hasn’t always been easy though. I wish we were more acclimated in society. We haven’t done much in Spain outside of Barcelona; lockdown has temporarily stripped us of many plans to explore the country. We haven’t really made any friends outside of my work (Juliana excluded -- that kid talks to everyone). Wally and I both wish we spoke better Spanish. We miss our families tremendously. Pre-COVID we were still getting back to the States every 3 months or so and that made it easier. We can’t wait to get back on another plane and see everyone.
So it’s not a fear of doing it that haunts us -- it’s a fear that we’re not doing enough.
6. How did you afford to do it? Any ideas you can pass along to someone that feels like money is keeping them from making a change.
Full disclosure: my company paid for my move so I didn’t incur those costs, and I make a good salary now -- enough for us to live on my income and allow Wally to not work unless he chooses to, and he likely will look for something once we return to a new normal.
But still...
Three words: Downsize, downsize, downsize! And live simply.
We sold most of our worldly possessions for the move. When we arrived last summer, we had a temporary flat rented for a month but had no idea where we’d end up, or how big it would be. We went from a 3,200 sq ft home to a flat about half that size (still very large, don’t get me wrong) and we still have so.much.stuff. I’ve found that if you have space, you fill it; if you don’t have space, you’re more careful how you fill it. My goal is to have even fewer boxes on the return to the US than when we came. I’ll never go back to a big suburban house.
We’re also very happy living a simple existence. Barcelona has a low cost of living so we’re able to save quite a bit. We never had fancy taste so we “splurge” on travel instead (which is also done simply). We’ll take Juliana to Italy for the weekend before we buy her another doll. I’d rather buy memories than goods. And I’m saving nicely for that sabbatical I’m planning for when we return to the US or in 5 years time, whichever happens first.
7. Did others’ opinions about your choices ever affect you?
Nope. I stopped caring a long time ago about what other people think. (One reason why staying off social media is better for my sanity!)
But we did want to consider how this would impact our families. My mom and Wally’s parents are in very good health but we can’t not consider that they’re aging. They were disappointed that we were leaving but they never did anything to discourage us or hold us back. I am so grateful for that because it would’ve been so much harder if they had. It does help that we were able to get back to the US so frequently, and we can’t wait to be able to travel freely again.
8. What has been the biggest adjustment?
Language and culture, hands down. Since we’re not fluent in Spanish or Catalan, there’s a sense of discomfort every time we leave the house. What if someone stops us on the street and we can’t understand them? (This happens way more than you’d think.) What if we go somewhere and they don’t speak English? How do you ever get anything accomplished with the laissez-faire attitude of the Spaniards?
We’ve learned to embrace it though. We push through the fear. We’ve lowered our expectations on getting things done quickly, which surprisingly also lowered our own stress. We’ve found that the locals are appreciative of any effort made to speak their language and adjust their level of speaking to yours. (I’ve had the best conversations with taxi drivers.) This is all part of the experience.
9. Any long term plans to stay?
Tough question! Right now, I’d say no...but we do flirt with the idea.
Juliana starts school in the fall (they start them early at age 3) and we spent a lot of time researching where she would go. We’re very pleased with our choice -- it’s a school that teaches in English but 80% of the students are locals so she’ll be exposed to Spanish and Catalan, which was important to us. It’s one of the best schools in Barcelona and our #2 splurge item (although much more affordable than any private school in America). If she takes to it well, we may be tempted to stay.
I do miss the comforts of home though. I miss everything being easy. I miss Target.
I expect that something will happen that will make the choice obvious to us at the right time, in the same way that happened to get us here in the first place!
11. If you could offer someone one piece of advice in regards to going for a big dream they have, what would it be?
I struggle with giving advice because I never see myself as someone wiser than anyone else. I’ve been dealt a certain hand in life that brought me here and that may be very different than the hand dealt to anyone else reading this.
But if there’s a lesson to take from my story, it’s to recognize the opportunities as they are presented to you, and be open to them. You don’t have to jump at everything but there’s no harm in considering it. I’ve also learned to go with my gut because “what’s the worst that can happen?” Even if things don’t go according to plan (and they very rarely do), you can course correct. Life happens when you stop planning!
Also, do yoga.