Making Changes with Rachel and Oliver
Gone are the days where we work 9-5, at the same company, for 40 years.
Couples, individuals and families all around the world are reinventing what life can look like for them and reprioritize what matters most. It might be travel, time together, or more space to think. The most fulfilled lives are the ones we are creating.
The Little Book of Big Dreams shows what life is like when we think our dreams are possible. May their stories encourage you to dream!
The Little Book of Big Dreams Series
Meet the Thurmans!
From Jessica: Before we sold our house in the suburbs, we were neighbors with the Thurmans. In between raising kids and traveling husbands, Rachel and I would chat over the fence about all the things we wanted out of life. Our dreams. Our hopes. What I love about her story is it helps us to realize that taking one step in the direction you know you need to go can create a snowball effect.
Preface from Rachel: Let me start by saying that when Jess first asked me to give her “my story” for The Little Book of Dreams, my first thought was, “I don’t have a story! Why would you want me in The Little Book of Big Dreams? I don’t feel like I dream big! I haven’t sold all my belongings and traveled the world. I haven’t sold my house and RVed the United States. I don’t even homeschool my kids! Why would anyone want to hear my story?” It’s actually quite ordinary!” Regardless of my objections, Jess insisted that not everyone has to do those things. “Big Dreams” look different for everyone….so here is the story of my big (ordinary) dreams.
How did all of this start? I know you have had a chain of events that occurred. Start from the beginning!
My story is more of a journey than it is an “Ah- ha” moment that I can specifically define. If I had to pick a starting point of when I began to change the way I think and approach life, I’d say it all started around the time that I had my second baby. At that time, I was working as a regional controller, managing an accounting department of about 10 people, gaining recognition and frequent promotions within my company. I had aspirations to climb the corporate ladder, probably to prove to myself that I could “do it all”. I was working long hours and was feeling the pressure of parenting two very young children, with a traveling husband, while balancing all of life’s obligations. Half of me found energy and fulfillment in burning the candle from all ends. When I could pull it off, I felt on top of the world for making it all happen. The other half of me felt completely exhausted and defeated. Yet there was a still, small voice in my head challenging me to take a scary step back from my career….and slow my life down!
Oliver and I first discussed me leaving my corporate job. It was a terrifying thought. At the time I made slightly more than half of our household income. It felt illogical and irresponsible and I am the definition of logical and responsible. So, we didn’t take the plunge right away….we took baby steps.
At first, I left my corporate position to join a small accounting consulting company where I could work remote and work 40 hours or less per week vs. the 60 hour weeks I was accustomed to working. In my new job, our family gained some of the flexibility and freedom that we desired. But, after about a year and a half, I realized that my heart still wasn’t quite at peace. I knew deep down that I desired an even slower pace. Oliver and I made the very difficult decision for me to step back from my career entirely, quitting my job indefinitely. It was SUCH a difficult decision for me and for my pride, but as soon as the decision was made, I remember feeling like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was a terrifying step, yet I knew that I had to trust my heart that it would all work out for the best. And it sure has.
Six months after I quit, my previous company, found out I was no longer working. They reached out to me and offered me the opportunity to work for them on an hourly basis, mostly from home, on a project basis. It was the biggest unforeseen blessing and exactly what I had always hoped would happen but never told anyone. I have now been doing this type of consulting for 4 years. I could not have designed a better role for myself. This opportunity would have never fallen into my lap if I had not made that first leap of faith to follow my heart’s desire for more freedom in my life. That choice has allowed me to continue to make small choices to pursue, and discover my dreams of traveling, slowing down, and being together as a family.
Because of the flexibility and seasonality of the type of work I do, my husband (Oliver) and I decided to try something new this year. We decided that we wanted to homeschool our daughters, Emery (who is in second grade) and Kinley (who is in PreK). We wanted to travel with Oliver on his work trips and take more personal trips as a family. I can assure you that I consulted just about every person I know who homeschools their kids (including Jess!), as well as people who don’t homeschool to get many different perspectives. We read websites and blogs. We made pros and cons spreadsheets. We talked to Emery’s teacher. We talked it through with her gymnastics coaches. It’s safe to say that I analyzed this from every angle and still had a difficult time settling on whether or not it was the best choice for us. I felt VERY on the fence about the decision, but we decided that we were going to go for it anyway. When I called the principal of Emery’s school to notify them that we would be dis-enrolling, he responded in a way that I never anticipated. He asked me if I would be open to keeping her enrolled. We could take the trips that our family wanted to take and when we wanted to take them. He told me that in his opinion, at her age, family experiences are just as important as academics in the classroom. He would not make an issue of her absences as long as she could keep up with the school work while we traveled. I was literally blown away by this offer! So, we headed into 2020 with lofty plans of traveling with Oliver on most of his work trips (Arizona, Florida, Chicago, Utah) as well as taking a few of our own family road trips (Montana, Aspen, Steamboat). Had everything gone according to our plan, Emery would have missed about 30-35% of the school days between February and May.
Needless to say, this plan didn’t actually end up coming to full fruition because of Covid-19. We were only able to take a couple of our planned trips before the pandemic swept the country but are still hopeful to get in some of our family road trips as things open up.
2. What is something you have learned through these changes?
One thing I’ve learned from my decisions to take scary new steps is this: If you never take a leap of faith into something that is different and feels uncomfortable, you may never know what unexpected surprises are in store for your life. I never would have expected that only after choosing to quit my career entirely, my company would offer me the opportunity that I’d wanted all along (flexible, seasonal, work from home)! I also never would have expected that only after I finally decided to make the decision to homeschool for a semester, the school would offer us the opportunity to do what we’d wanted all along (school and travel!). Now, when I have crazy thoughts, dreams, and ideas, instead of pushing them away, I allow them space in my mind. I give them the chance to take root before deciding that these new thoughts and ideas are unattainable or thinking “I can’t do that!”. Will I make a leap of faith for every crazy dream that enters my brain? Of course not! But for the ones that feel right, I am learning to follow my heart because you never know.
3. Had you always dreamed of this?
I am finding that most of the things I am dreaming of currently are not at all things I’ve always dreamed of doing. I haven’t really been much of a dreamer in the past. I’m more of a goal setter and a planner. But, in the few small ways that I’ve allowed myself to dream, I’m discovering dreams that I never knew I had!
4. Was Oliver on board? How about the girls?
The first time I brought up the idea of leaving my job and the first time I brought up the idea of homeschooling, Oliver thought I was completely crazy. But I kept at it. I slowly gave him the narrative of all the thoughts that clattered around my brain, little by little, for over a year. By the time we actually made both decisions, he was fully on board because he had plenty of time to mentally shift his thinking as I was shifting mine.
5. Lets talk about fear. Big changes can breed fear. Did you experience this? How did you deal with it?
New changes are always scary. I absolutely had fear in the choices we made. I expect that I will continue to have that same uncomfortable feeling every time I make a decision that is new and different. One thing that helps me is looking back on past experiences when I have taken a leap of faith to do something new in my life. I think we all have those experiences to pull from. The more often I make “scary” choices in life, doesn’t necessarily make the next “scary” choice any less scary. It does, however, give me the ability to trust more. Trust comes from looking back on the story of my life and seeing how my journey of choices have lead me to various outcomes. I can find positive outcomes for the “good” choices I’ve made and even for the “bad” choices I’ve made! I think that is because choices aren’t stagnant. If you make a choice that doesn’t feel right, you can always make another choice the next day. This is something I am only recently learning in my life. I am by nature a planner. I over analyze my choices as if every choice I make has to be forever. But, I am learning choices feel less scary when you leave yourself the space to change your mind!
6. What was a challenge that came up in the process and how did you handle it?
Covid was a challenge that came up in our process! A challenge that none of us anticipated or could control. It was pretty disappointing that after mustering up the courage to do something new and different, and after all the planning, we had no choice but to divert our plans. However, it brought me a new unexpected perspective (surprise, surprise). We went from having fairly busy travel plans to having no plans at all! No more packing, unpacking, hopping on planes, driving across the country, etc. While we mourned the loss of our spring adventures, we found a new appreciation for doing the simple things right here where we live! Admittedly, it took us a few weeks of quarantine to find this new cadence. We have lived in our neighborhood for over a decade. During this quarantine I took the kids, for what might have been the first time, to go exploring some of the rock formations that are no more than 200 yards from our back yard. Despite all of the “slowing down” that I mention in my story above, it took a global pandemic for me to slow down enough to take my kids to play on the rock formations in our own neighborhood.
During this time I have discovered the beauty of things like this; hanging out in our back yard by our firepit reading a book to the girls, sitting on our rocking chairs on my front porch (that I purchased years ago but never use), and so many other tiny simple moments. I know that life will get busy again and that’s ok. I still thrive on busy adventures too. But I’m thankful for the lesson that Covid reminded me of; “slowing down” your life is a process that needs constant tweaking. It can look different in different seasons. What’s most important is to notice when you need a shift and to allow the shift to happen, even when it means an unexpected diversion of our planned adventures!
7. Money......was this discussed?
Oh yes it was! I am a CPA and I basically live inside Microsoft excel. I love spreadsheets and budgets. So the money part of the decision to take a step back in my career was the hardest part by far. However, it is amazing how once the decision was made, I barely considered the financial aspect of it. What’s funny is that we have always been fairly frugal- so I am not sure what exactly I was scared of. We have always traveled on a budget and we don’t have overly expensive taste. So after cutting out my income, we just continued to do what we’d always done anyway!
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