Coming of Age in the Modern World
In the Jewish tradition there is a Bah or Bat Mitzvah. If you are part of the indigenous Sateré-Mawé tribe in the Brazilian Amazon you participate in a stinging ant initiation. Um, ouch! If you are part of the Maasai of Kenya and Tanzania between the ages of 10-20 you drink a mixture of milk, alcohol and cow’s blood and get circumcised. Why? To mark the transition into adulthood.
Luke was about to turn 13. I could feel the change in him. He was playing differently. He was talking differently. Our interactions had changed. He was becoming a man. I had said this to him no fewer than 20 times but how would he truly understood what that meant and step into that role confidently?
So, I got to thinking and scheming. I wanted him to know from other men he admired and looked up to, what was important to them in their lives and how to live bravely. I wanted him to be excited and understand the significance of this time. I wanted him to experience a transition into adulthood. And with that, we created our own coming of age tradition for the modern world. No ants involved!
The Klasnick Family Coming of Age Tradition:
The Mentor’s Handbook:
Our son is lucky enough to be surrounded by incredible men (including his father) but there are not many situations where these men get to share with him their beliefs. About a month prior to his birthday I contacted ten of them. Those that know him well and that Luke respects and admires to ask if they would be open to writing a letter to him. Grandpa, uncles, cousins, friends, and coaches. The letter could be about anything regarding coming of age…….a story, advice, ideas on manhood. Everyone graciously agreed. Once received, I compiled the letters into a mentor’s handbook. The book opens with a message from me and the first letter is from his father with the rest to follow. Luke absolutely cherishes this book and I often see him reading through the letters. Throughout the years, the stories and advice will mean something different to him then they do today. Right now it is just absorbing and seeing how all these men live and believe different things. I hope it helps him find his own truth.
2. Mother and Son Weekend Getaway.
Much of becoming a man is learning to be in relationship. Relationships are a relay between two people. This relay is a learned skill and is critical to understand to be in healthy friendships, romantic relationships and work endeavors. So, I put together a weekend away for him and I. Here is what it included: a new experience, enjoying something he loved and time together.
Luke has begged to get a massage for years so that was going to be the new experience we shared. Other than the pure enjoyment of it we had discussions around doing things that are new to us, the feelings that can come up in a new experience and how often times when we are doing something new it feels uncomfortable and that is ok.
That evening I planned for a fancy dinner out at a well known local restaurant. If you know Luke, you know he is a foodie, 100%. We had the fanciest of dates. We talked about him dating, his political views, and he shmoozed it up with every person we encountered. The kid loves to talk.
We stayed the night in downtown and woke up the next morning to a scooter ride around the city.
He and I both decided it was a weekend we will cherish. Since then he has stepped into his new role as a teenager. It has set the tone for what an incredible and much needed experience this can be.
And as always, feel free to copy exactly what we did or tweak it, reorganize it, make it your own to celebrate!